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The Young, Sexually Active Caravan Crowd (as seen in stock photos)


DISCLAIMER: This is a work of satire.

Please don't be offended if you are:

a) A caravan enthusiast
b) A stock photo model/photographer

No one in history has ever declared stock photo repositories to be an accurate representation of real life, but their portrayal of caravanning holidays has really gone a step too far, threatening to tarnish the fine British tradition of having a moderately enjoyable time in occasionally present surroundings.

As master of bulls*** Jay from the Inbetweeners once put it 'First rule of caravan club is everyone gets laid', and stock photographers appear to have taken this sentiment to heart. Bonafide caravanning authority Cosford Caravans has juxtaposed real holiday photos with the filth that stock photographers are peddling to illustrate the differences between reality and fiction.

These are REAL caravan holiday snaps:

Real caravan holiday snaps

 Good clean fun for good clean people. Notice how everyone remains fully clothed. Uncomfortably so, as is appropriate.

The salt of the earth couple

 Here’s another. This salt of the earth couple don’t have the luxury of a camera that can take shots on a timer (and they surely wouldn’t dream of bothering one of their caravanning neighbours) and so will enjoy these solo holiday snaps for years to come. Notice the care and effort this man has gone to create a miniature patio for his caravan. A man’s home is his castle, after all.

This young lady is having a most satisfactory time

 

Now this truly sums up the camping experience! Garbed in a long, appropriately baggy T-shirt to protect her from the harsh East Anglian sun, this young lady is having a most satisfactory time.

Her younger brother watches on from the window jealously, waiting for the day when his Kinder child fair-skin hardens up enough for him to step out into the blistering sun. Not this year, old boy, it’ll be Cluedo and Mousetrap for the next week. It’s clear why this family would want to express their LVE for caravanning.

 And here’s the sexually provocative propaganda that stock photo sites would have you swallow.

 

Sexually provocative propaganda

This attractive young couple don’t even care that it’s a beautiful day outside, they’re more concerned with degrading the noble tradition of caravanning to upmarket, spacious dogging.

Those crafty stock photographers have even tried to justify this perverse behaviour by having the man wear a wedding ring...but wait, he’s wearing it on his right hand! Nice try, pal, but you’re fooling no one. You’re no Ansel Adams, that’s for sure.

 

Keep your Eyes Wide Shut

We’re not even sure where to start with this one.

Firstly, it is unnecessary for these two to bathe outside as all modern caravans possess taps and showers (as long as they’ve got a fresh water carrier, of course). With this being the case there’s no reason for this behaviour besides old-fashioned voyeurism.

Keep your Eyes Wide Shut antics out of our caravan park, if you’d be so kind.

Backing up a woman

Whilst in the real world backing a woman up against a wall and restricting her movement with an arm would be considered poor form at best, harassment at worst, this photographer would have you believe that caravan parks are so thick with pheromones that no woman can resist your forceful sexual advances.

Look how she moves her pelvis closer to his and holds her arms behind her back, defenceless. Caravan stock photos are promoting rape culture.

Whilst this photo may seem innocent enough at first: two young ladies hiding in their caravan hoping to avoid the gaze of the sexual predators roaming the caravan park, even they’re not immune to the potent aphrodisiac that is the caravan. 

 

You know where this is going. 

 

Caravans are apparently also hotbeds of sexual experimentation and discovery.

Lies!

You may think we’re being silly, that we’re reading too much into these innocuous photos. Maybe we are, but then again..

We dare you!

 

Explain this one away, we dare you. 






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Salop Caravans Cosford     Newport Road, Albrighton, Wolverhampton, WV7 3NA     Tel: 01902 374170     Fax: 01902 373130     E-mail: info@cosfordcaravans.co.uk

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